Just as the Ivy League only exists to churn out investment bank employees and yacht consumers, and the Southeastern Conference is really just a de facto minor league for the NFL, Washington D.C.’s budding marijuana industry is getting into the education business. Less than a year after legalizing recreational marijuana, the District’s first smoking school has opened its doors.
The D.C. School of Mary Jane will guide greenhorns to the sticky green in the ways of legal weed, from the drug’s history to its health benefits.
Cannabis Course Catalog
The School of Mary Jane offers workshops “specially designed by professional educators to help you understand your legal rights, health risks/benefits, best practices and culture in the comfort of your own home.” That’s right stoners — you don’t even need to get off the couch. So drop out of the University of Phoenix or whatever Art Institute that’s stealing your money, and invest in some classes that count:
Marijuana 101: Learn “the historical background, health befits, common recreational practices, and laws associated with the recreational uses of the controversial plant” on weed.Edibles 101: Learn “how to infuse the benefits of Marijuana into any kind of food for a more delicious and discrete experience” on weed.Adult Field Trips: You ever been to the museum…on weed?Painting: Just like the Art Institute! But on weed.
Of course the school says it doesn’t encourage its students to buy marijuana from anyone, but we all know schools are just fronts for different industries. New pot shops in D.C. should be thrilled to expand an educated and enthusiastic customer base. Just as the tech industry relies on Stanford and snowboard salesmen need the University of Colorado, marijuana merchants have a big stake in successful stoner schools. (As far as we can tell, law school is an elaborate money laundering scheme funded by the Treasury Department.)
Still, if you live in Washington, D.C., a weed workshop may not be a bad idea — better than needing a criminal defense attorney because you violated local pot laws.
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